Neurotically Yours: Episode # 064: No Christmas For You

Foamy:

MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL,.

I REALLY HATE DOING HOLIDAY SPECIALS OF ANY KIND BUT FRANKLY, I'M PISSED OFF AT ALL THESE NEO-YUPPIE SCUMBAGS HELL-BENT ON REMOVING THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT FROM THE CHRISTMAS SEASON.

EVERY YEAR AROUND THE HOLIDAY, SOME JACK-OFF HAS TO GO COMPLAINING TO SOME COURT ABOUT HOW HE HATES CHRISTMAS AND HOW THERE'S SOME MANGER SCENE WITH BABY JESUS OFFENDING HIM AT SOME LOCAL SCHOOL.....WELL WHO CARES..... IF SOMEONE DECIDED TO TOSS A BABY JESUS ON THE FRONT LAWN .....WHAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM???

AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING...YOU KNOW HOW PUBLIC SCHOOLS USE TO HAVE CHRISTMAS PLAYS AND SHIT LIKE THAT.....THEY DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE....AND IF THEY DO, THEY REMOVE ALL THE SONGS THAT HAVE ANY REFRENCE TO RELIGION IN THEM......NO, “SILENT NIGHT”, NO, “JOY TO THE WORLD”, AND NO FUCKING “LITTLE DRUMMER BASTARD”

THESE ARE THE SAME TYPE OF INSTITTIONS THAT TELL YOU TO BE TOLERANT OF EVERYONE ELSES BELIEFS BUT TRY TO BEAT EVER HINT OF GOOD OL' ST. NICK OUT OF CHRISTMAS......HOW CAN ANYONE BE OFFENDED BY A FAT GUY WHO GIVES OUT FREE STUFF......WHAT....ARE WE ALL PISSED AT SANTA BECAUSE HE'S FAT AND HAPPY AND PERFECTLY CONTENT WITH HIS IMAGE....IT'S LIKE ALL THESE NEO-YUPPIES WANT TO GIVE HIM AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX AND PUT HIM ON A FATKINS DIET.....

AND THAT'S WHY I LIKE SANTA, BECAUSE HE'S A FAT BASTARD....WORKS ONE DAY A YEAR..... IS ACTUALLY HAPPY...AND EATS ALL THE COOKIES HE WANTS.....HE REWARDS THE GOOD....AND PUNISHES THE GUILTY....KIND OF LIKE A VIGILANTE WITH GIFTS.

AND ONE LAST THING....I'M TIRED OF EVERY ASSHOLE SLOGAN MARKETING TEAM CHANGING “MERRY CHRISTMAS” TO “HAPPY HOLIDAYS” OR “SEASONS GREETINGS”....SO THEY'RE MORE CULTURALLY SENSITIVE......FUCK YOU.......I DON'T CARE WHO SAYS WHAT, IT'S FUCKING CHRISTMAS. DEAL WITH IT.....'TIS THE SEASON.....TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP BEING A WHINNING BITCH. LEAVE THE CHRITMAS FOLK ALONE...

AND JUST SO YOU KNOW WHERE I'M COMING FROM, I'M NOT ONE OF THESE PREACHY religious FANTATICS, I DON'T GO TO CHURCH, AND I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT HUMANITIES ISSUES WITH THE VARIOUS GODS THEY WORSHIP.....

I JUST WANT CHRISTMAS TO BE CHRISTMAS.....WITHOUT SOME FUCKING JACK-ASS TELLING ME NOT TO SING CHRISTMAS SONGS BECAUSE IT HAS A RELIGIOUS OVER-TONE.....

STOP RUINING THE HOLIDAYS NEO-YUPPIE SCUM!
OR I'LL BEAT YOU WITH BABY JESUS...

BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF SANTA....OR GET NOTHING

________________________________

Copyright: Jonathan Ian Mathers: 2004.
www.illwillpress.com